If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
