Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
