Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
