Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
