tell your sister to shave her snatch
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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