I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
