I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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