youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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