Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
