I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
