this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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