just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
