Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
