He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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