Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
