dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
