im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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