For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
