I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
