We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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