Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
