Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
