im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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