windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Randomize
