i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Drunk is a universal language darling
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize