I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
