Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The best revenge is premature balding
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
