if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize