I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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