the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
