I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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