Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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