Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
