Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
