Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
