I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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