Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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