i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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