Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There's always time for handjobs
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
