i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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