pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
