Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
