meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you never un-have a 4some
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
