Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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