Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
