I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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