My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
