Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
