Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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