dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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