Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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