you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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