Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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