I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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