The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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