You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Terrible idea I love it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
