I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
