cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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