hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
