ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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