I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
