I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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