Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
