And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize