Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
